Working hard on a piece of fiction, and by working hard I don’t mean pounding the keyboard for hours non-stop. Instead, I mean wrestling with my internal demons preventing me from actually putting words on the page.
I sip my tea, look out the window, examine the ends of my hair, look out the window, turn on some background music, read what I wrote yesterday for the seventh time, think about the characters, wonder why one of them doesn’t fit the way she should, drink my tea, look out the window….
Part of me is just so angry. Why can I not just type my 500 words and have done? I worry I don’t know where the plot is going, that maybe there isn’t a plot, that the characters haven’t been described enough, that the location is too boring. In fact, apart from a nice beginning, I wonder why I have the nerve to think there’s a story here.
Relief came with one of those intense conversations with Nick. I realized I’ve been struggling with a part of me that is trying to prevent myself from writing. I finally saw how I was feeling inadequate and incompetent, unskilled and unworthy every time I sat down at the computer. It’s familiar territory, though, and once I recognized I was under a kind of emotional attack, I could see a way forward.
With a little kindness and compassion for myself, a couple of helpful insights from Nick, one little twist to the plot and suddenly the fun returned. I can see a way to help the characters along so we can all discover the story together.
Phew. Another storm weathered. Hope the forecast stays good for a while.
#writers block again #creativity #emotional block #writing