time to think

Spit it out! Just spit out. So easy to say to someone hemming and hawing and hedging their bets. So hard to do when you think someone might get hurt.

My mind is filled with these comments that want to come out. I feel I’ve noticed something remarkable and then it’s not enough just to contemplate it. I want to share my observation with someone. It’s through conversation with another that I explore my idea and often get to some underlying story or factor to help explain what I’ve noticed, and once that happens, I feel a satisfied joy.

My first cup of tea is almost finished and I still haven’t truly got myself going this morning. My mind is filled with ideas around the Nag Hammadi texts, my eyes are filled with the green leaves and grass out my studio window, my ears are filled with gentle lute music, and I sit bemused, enjoying the morning but not getting anything done.

I get tired of feeling the push to make the most of every minute to get something accomplished. Yet if I give myself the time to look out the window and let my mind wander, do I ever feel guilty. You mean I could have written two essays, seven tunes and beaded a bracelet, and all I did was just sit there? Outraged criticism hurts my ears, guilty blushes suffuse my face and my morning peace is busted.

But no! Today I shall fight back! Spring has been a long time in coming this year, and I refuse to ignore its nurturing presence. I hereby certify today as National Goofing Off Day! Tea and contemplation for all!

Except contemplation and being in the moment is not goofing off.

It’s being truly alive.

#contemplation #guilt #over-achiever #spring #joy

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